My So-Called Charmed Life

I want so desperately for people to think that I'm composed, well-educated, polished, impeccably mannered, impossibly refined, and all around stunning.

Yeah, that's never gonna happen.

Witness not one, but two things which occurred in the past 24 hours to lend credence to my last statement (and realize I share these horrors with you, and no one else!).

First example of how I am the opposite of a genius. Last night, I prepared for bed as usual, and donned my typical going-to-bed attire, which is grannies and a tank top. I dress for comfort, thank you. I had trouble falling asleep - something just didn't seem right, yet I couldn't figure it out......until this morning, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Yeah, wearing your grannies inside-out is fabulous. Sigh.

However, the next tale of shame is even better.

Again - before I ventured to bed last night, I was viciously attacked by a rabid mosquito. I was bitten several times on my leg, and the itching was driving me mad. I stumbled into my bathroom, flung open my drawer o' meds, and grabbed a tube of "Anti-Itch Cream". The tube was pink and white, so I figured it was generic Benedryl cream. I rubbed a huge glob into the offending bites, wondering only briefly why the cream had a tannish-tint and smelled mildly flowery. That's when I saw the microscopic print: "Compare to the active ingredients in Vagisil!!".

Yikes. I'm so glad I won't have to worry about a yeast infection on my calf.

I seriously lead a charmed life. Seriously.

What IS it with midgets?

So, my favorite salesman comes into my office on Friday, and we have this conversation:

him: "Carrie! I'm so excited!!! Mini KISS is coming to Harrah's on July 3rd!!! I just made a reservation! I'm leaving work early so I can be first in line!!!"

me: "WTF is Mini KISS?"

him: "How can you not know what Mini KISS is???"

me: "Seriously?"

him: "I see your point. Mini KISS is just what it sounds like - it's a KISS impersonation band made up entirely of midgets!!! I'll send you their picture!!!"

I immediately fell out of my chair and laughed my friggin' ass off. See attached.