cheese and rice - This is a less offensive way of saying "Jesus Christ"
It originated with the movie 'The Faculty'. In the real version, one of the characters exclaimed "Jesus Christ!" but in the edited TV version, they had it changed to "Cheese and rice!"
Guy #1: Aliens landed on Earth!
Guy #2: Cheese and rice!
So there I was, minding my own business.....happily whiling the hours away by doing everything and nothing online. All three kitties were in my office with me, when Jasmine started doing her "I see something interesting" chirp, which is usually reserved for birds.
I turned to glance out the window where she was busily chirping, and the blood literally drained from my body and I yelled my own version of "cheese and rice" (think - less food, more profanity).
There, attached to my window screen, was the biggest, ugliest, scariest looking bug I've ever seen. I have no clue what this bastard is. Probably something innocuous, like a cicada or some crap like that.
No matter.
I. HATE. BUGS.
I am literally paralyzed with fear around bugs.
I have actually forgone social activities because of the threat of bugs (either real or imagined!!).
Camping? Pfftttt. Not if my life depended on it.
Don't believe me about this phobia? Ask my good friend Lynn, who I roused from a deep slumber in the middle of the night many years ago to drive to my house and squish a spider for me. Nevermind that she had to drag her stepson out of bed on a schoolnight and bring him with her, lest he be left home alone.
When it comes to bugs, I am a pansy. And I am okay with that.
Now, if you need me, I shall be under my covers in the fetal position, a can of Raid in each hand, offering a silent prayer to Our Lady of Xanex.......
6 comments:
I can't say that I'm any kind of bug expert (hate 'em with a vengeance) but the closeup of your particular visitor looks kind of like a locust / cicada. If it is, they don't hurt you but they are huge and scary looking, especially if your brother is hiding behind a bush to throw them a you. Which is what mine did with the 17-yr locusts when I was growing up.
There is only one appropriate reaction to having locusts thrown at you, and I can't post it. :)
Can my comment possibly be longer than your original post? No matter, here's a story for you (you know how much I love to tell stories). A few months after I shacked up with Kelley, we moved to Kingsport. In the house we rented, we discovered we had a rodent problem...singular not plural. We cornered it in the kitchen one night (as a young and spry lady looked on in amusement, but zero help) we chased it all around the kitchen, mostly with me on top of the stove and Kelley being amused and mortified at her less than macho husband to be. We never did catch him. He was a field mouse about the size of a giant cock roach. Later that night as I lay half awake and somewhat paranoid that our new stowaway would return, I felt something strange on my leg. I lurched (no Addams Family pun intended) and threw off the covers. I heard something hit the wall and land in some loose papers beside the bed then scramble off, all the while I'm screaming like Jamie Lee Curtis on Halloween night 1979. Again, the future wife was less than impressed with the lack of manliness, and was freaked out of her gourd from me waking her up. As I previously stated, we never did catch that bastard. We should have put cheese and rice on a mouse trap.
Fast forward 3 years. We were married and living in Dillon, SC circa 2002. We moved there in the dead of winter so we didn't realize what we were in for when summer came. In SC they have what they call "water bugs". Trust me, the name is deceiving. They are these huge bucking fugs that come out looking for water. They are little more than huge glorified cock roaches. One night, we were looking out the window b/c the neighbors' dog was barking. I said, why is there water running across the fence? (it was a brick fence with a 3 inch wide concrete top). Kelley said, that's not water. I went outside for a closer look...it was about a brazilian of those damn bugs running back and forth along the fence like some damn Indiana Jones scene. I took my happy ass back in the house and later went to bed. I was awoken later in the night to shrieks from my dear wife who was completely freaking out. I was looking for Freddy or Jason, but it seems that one of those water bugs found it's way into her hair. Needless to say, we had an exterminator out to the house the next day.
Having said that, Kelley has this thing about bugs that can hop. Crickets, Chinese cave crickets, and especially grasshoppers. Total freaking phobia. She gets mad if I even bring it up.
My phobia is snakes.
I love spiders though. I kill them or wash them down the drain inside the house cause their bites can be annoying, but I always try to leave them alone outside. Let's face it, Spiders do society a huge favor by eating those big bucking fugs!
Dude, I am laughing soooooooooooooo hucking fard!!!!!!!
Heh!
I am ashamed (and slightly amused) that he does tell the truth....you know, about his less than macho screaming. Total schoolgirl squeal. LMBFAO
I grew up in Florida. In the spring and summer, grasshoppers took over. HUGE green and black evil ones. I was terrified to go outside and play. This could explain my pasty white skin to this day.
Doing some good reading here. Thanks!
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