Breaking the addiction

There are all kinds of habits and addictions that people struggle with.

Drugs.

Alcohol.

Violence.

Money.

Sex.

Often, these addictions go hand-in-hand with one another. Even more often, the addict doesn't even realize that he's addicted to his vice(s) of choice. All the addict knows is there's a pattern and habit to his behaviors, and there's a heady rush as a payoff for the choices he's making.

So. How to break the habit and kick the addiction?

First - figure out why you're addicted in the first place. Have you become comfortable and complacent with the status quo? Is the payoff worth the risk? Are you masking pain? Are you motivated by fear? Are you unwilling to let go of the version of your past that you're seeing through rose-colored glasses?

It's very hard to let go of addictive behavior if you don't have something - or someone - new to put in its place. This is why you see so many people who are trying to quit smoking going around with suckers in their mouths. Alcoholics and drug addicts go to meetings to replace their addictions.

What happens when your addiction is not a thing, but rather, a someone?

I've been there.

Even when I knew I was in a relationship that was horrible for me, it took me a long, long time to walk away, and even longer to stop the contact. I was convinced that, without my husband, I would essentially cease to exist. My life was his life. My plans were his plans. He knew me better than I knew myself. I thought our lives were unbreakably intertwined with one another's. Even when I moved out, we stayed in close contact. We became closer after the separation than we had been married.

However.

After time, distance, and new people in my life, I finally realized I had to let go of my addiction to him. It wasn't so much that I wanted to BE with my ex-husband; rather, it was a habit that I had been in for more than 10 years. With my ex, I didn't have to learn anything new. I didn't have to try. I didn't have to open myself up to vulnerability, scrutiny, rejection, and all of the other scary things that go with moving on.

And how very sad that I wasted so much time with that habit and addiction.

Moving on wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

My name is Carrie, and I'm a recovered addict.