It's not me, it's you...and other things I wish I could say...

I hate that I am so incredibly polite sometimes. Really. Having been raised a "proper lady" in the South, I almost always bite my tongue or sugarcoat bad / awkward / uncomfortable news when it must be delivered. As a result, my tongue is nearly severed, and I am now writing this open letter to any and all possible men in my future.

Dear Prospective New Man in My Life,

Let's cut right to the chase. There are some things about me that you need to know, but which I'm scared to tell you. I hope that you are a mind-reader. It will come in handy. Here, in no particular order, is a cheat sheet of all the baffling things about me that you need to keep in mind.

* I'm pretty new at the dating thing. I dated and was married to my ex-husband for more than 10 years. The last time I seriously dated was in the mid-90's. Things have changed, and I have yet to figure out the new rules. I abhor games. If you say you're going to call, call. If I say I'm going to call, I'll call. I am an extremely black-and-white person, and I don't do well with shades of gray. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.....just don't say it mean! :)

* Speaking of games, let me be very clear on this point again - I detest games!!! If I like you, you will know it because I wear my feelings on my sleeve. If you like me, I expect that you will either tell me or demonstrate your affection in an obvious way. What I do NOT want is for you to lavish me with affection one day, and then run screaming the next without an explanation as to why. I'm a big girl. I can handle those 6 words made famous on SATC: "I'm just not that into you." I have much more respect for a man who is forthcoming with not-so-great news, than for one who hides his head in the sand and hopes the situation will take care of itself.

* I am an open book. I am not good at hiding my emotions, and I am not good at keeping my opinions to myself. I am strong in my convictions and will stand up for myself.

* Do not confuse my strength of conviction for cold-hearted bitch. I am incredibly vulnerable, and if you're lucky, you will get to see that vulnerability first hand. Having been separated and divorced for 2.5 years, I have become very independent. I am used to opening my own doors, carrying my own groceries, supporting myself financially, and solving my own problems. HOWEVER!!!! Please indulge the very womanly side of me by offering to do these chivalrous gestures for me. I love to be romanced. I'm not into PC bullshit. I will not be offended if you help me into the car or offer to buy me dinner. I only ask that you not take offense when I sometimes beat you to the punch, as it's been a long time since I've depended on anyone but myself.

* I have a life of my own, but when I get involved with you in a new relationship, I make room for you in it. This does not mean that my life has suddenly become all about you and that I have given up my identity. It is simply me putting myself out there the only way I know how. You will learn that I am the girl who gives 110% of herself for her friends, and you are now my friend. That does not make me a doormat. I feel strongly that we are all put on this earth to take care of one another, and I am an incredibly giving person. I hope that you are strong enough to not be threatened by my desires to help you, and I hope that you will offer your help in return.

* Be who you are, and be it 100%. I promise to do the same in return.

* Realize that, when you and I are first getting to know each other, I will probably freak out and obsess over conversations that we've had, and try to discern every possible hidden meaning of every word you've uttered. That's part of being a chick. We all do it. Why do you think women go to the restroom in packs? It's to have intense "what did he mean by that?" conversations! Silly? Of course. Reality? Yep.

* Most importantly, realize that I am the eternal optimist. I have loved, lost, loved again, and lost some more. However, I *still* believe in love. I even have a personal saying: "I still believe in fairy tales, once upon a time, and happily ever after." That is NOT to be confused with a complete lack of understanding of reality. I know that life is not a fairy tale. I know that each relationship will have its own unique set of challenges, trying times, pitfalls, and other unpleasantness. What I also know, though, is that - should I be lucky enough to find my Prince Charming - the good will outweigh the bad, and I will be able to write my own fairy tale, with my own version of "happily ever after".

So that's it. Have I scared you completely away? I hope not. That was never the intent. I just wanted you to have a glimpse into the real me.

Sincerely,
Me