The opposite of love..........

There is a quote that is a recurring theme in a series of books I've recently read by Emily Giffin.

"The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference."

When I first read that phrase, I wasn't entirely sure what the author meant. I had always assumed that the opposite of love was hate. But then, after I thought about it, it made perfect sense. With love, there is passion and emotion.....same thing with hate. With indifference, there is neither.

Since my separation and divorce more than 2.5 years ago, I have experienced a wide array of emotions about and towards my ex-husband. There used to be love; then there was hate; there was anger, too. In the last year or so, my ex had been relegated more and more to the "indifferent" category. I wished him no ill will, and the truth was, I never even thought about him.

And then.....today.....I looked at the calendar.

My ex-husband is getting remarried in 11 days.

And just like that, all of these emotions have come bubbling back to the surface, threatening to come out my eyeballs in the form of crocodile tears. I am beyond puzzled at this reaction. I am not in love with my ex anymore. I do not wish to be a part of his life anymore. I do not pine for what we once had. I wish him and his new wife and their new son every happiness.

What has upset me so is, not the fact that he is getting married; but rather, that I - the person he at one time vowed to love, honor, and cherish, 'til death us do part - am now the person to whom he is indifferent.

And even though this life is the one I chose, that is a very sad feeling.

And this is called.......growing......

A while back, I met someone.

It was a chance meeting, and one that I thought wouldn't lead to anything in particular.

I was wrong.

Turns out, he is a truly wonderful guy. I was surprised by many things about him - his intelligence, his maturity, his insight, his wit, his sensitivity. As most women do (but few will admit to), I have a checklist for things I'm looking for in a man.......and this man hit the mark on everything except one (which was a non-issue).

We logged lots of emails, IMs, texts......and a phone call here and there. We went places, did things, spent time together. It was so much fun! I found myself becoming something I hadn't been in a long, long time......vulnerable. But, sometimes......vulnerability is okay.

We kept things casual..........no dating, no labels........but at times, there was affection. At times, there wasn't. At times, he'd look at me with longing. At times, he'd treat me like one of the guys. And that was okay.

Then, one day, he asked me about my expectations, what I was wanting to happen between us.

And I had no idea how to respond.

After much hemming and hawing, and basically thinking out loud, I explained that if he asked me out, I would say yes; but if he didn't, that was fine. I meant it, too.

Kindly, my new friend explained that he wasn't looking for anything more than friendship with me. He didn't want to lead me on or raise my hopes for something more. He wanted to keep our relationship as just friends.

And you know what? That's okay.

Last night, we spent some time together at a friend's birthday party. Knowing exactly where we - and I - stood made it possible for me to relax, be myself, and have a fabulous time. I could tell he was much more at ease as well. It's like the proverbial white elephant in the room had finally been acknowledged, thus removing its power over the situation.

There is a wonderful man out there whom I am meant to meet someday......one who will be as swept off his feet by me as I am of him........and we will be more than just friends. However, there is a wonderful man in my life right now who is a fabulous friend - he brings a unique point of view to how I view things, and he makes me laugh - and I couldn't be happier that we've met.

I believe this is called.....growing.