There is a quote that is a recurring theme in a series of books I've recently read by Emily Giffin.
"The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference."
When I first read that phrase, I wasn't entirely sure what the author meant. I had always assumed that the opposite of love was hate. But then, after I thought about it, it made perfect sense. With love, there is passion and emotion.....same thing with hate. With indifference, there is neither.
Since my separation and divorce more than 2.5 years ago, I have experienced a wide array of emotions about and towards my ex-husband. There used to be love; then there was hate; there was anger, too. In the last year or so, my ex had been relegated more and more to the "indifferent" category. I wished him no ill will, and the truth was, I never even thought about him.
And then.....today.....I looked at the calendar.
My ex-husband is getting remarried in 11 days.
And just like that, all of these emotions have come bubbling back to the surface, threatening to come out my eyeballs in the form of crocodile tears. I am beyond puzzled at this reaction. I am not in love with my ex anymore. I do not wish to be a part of his life anymore. I do not pine for what we once had. I wish him and his new wife and their new son every happiness.
What has upset me so is, not the fact that he is getting married; but rather, that I - the person he at one time vowed to love, honor, and cherish, 'til death us do part - am now the person to whom he is indifferent.
And even though this life is the one I chose, that is a very sad feeling.
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4 comments:
What a beautiful post.
Indeed, indiffernece cuts like a knife. That's why John Gottman, the famous marriage doctor has said- that once indifference settles into a couple- there is very little hope. Better to see a couple with raging fights, then no fights at all! Some day, maybe soon, you will make all the difference in the world to one lucky guy! Hang in there.
http://www.singleseekingsoulmate.blogspot.com
i know how you feel. Brian and his wife had a baby on 10/4. He hasnt seen Kenzi since. I love my husband and am very happy but at the same time, im still in that "why does he get to have it all frame of mind" I guess for me its still anger and bitterness. I wonder if I will ever truly forgive him. Knowing myself as well as I do, Im ashamed to say no. So you hang on today and mr fabulous will be around soon. In the meantime, you get to have fun and answer to noone but yourself. Freedom is good too.
I understand how you feel dear. Brian and his wife had a baby on 10/4 and while Im not in love with him and love my new husband dearly, im still in that bitter and angry "why does he get to have it all mode?" I want to be a better person and forgive him but knowing myself as well as I do, I know I never will. You keep your chin up girl. Mr. Wonderful is there somewhere and you will find him.
~doodle~
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